Added: Danisha Burkhart - Date: 22.01.2022 13:54 - Views: 33878 - Clicks: 4259
You are not alone. And most likely, with a little bit of work on yourself, you will get a happy dating, sex and love life! I want to help you with this series of articles on dating for male, hetero nerds or: geeks, programmers, introverted intellectuals. I am not sure if I want to publish pieces of dating advice on my semi-professional blog. It is a soft, opinionated and personal matter, inadvertently revealing my secrets and vulnerabilities. But I see the profound change from something being frustrating to a field where I feel well.
While my problems with dating or rather: not dating gave me a lot of pain, they also prompted me to put a lot of effort into developing social skills in general. Sure, there is no shortage of Internet dating advice. Nerds have special needs, special skills and things which may work differently honesty, emotions, touch, spontaneity, expectations of partners - general advice rarely cuts it.
Some great minds consider this problem notoriously hard:. I believe that, just as there are shy, nerdy men, there are also shy, nerdy women, who likewise suffer from feeling unwanted, sexually invisible, or ashamed to express their desires. But well, fortune favours the bold. This text is addressed to heterosexual male nerds. Ideally, I would send it to my younger self 2 say, yo - the sooner the better , so as to be spared a lot of unnecessary emotional pain, feelings of loneliness, rejection and isolation.
But, well, I actually want to help people, so it is wiser to think about a wider not-empty! A lot of this content might be useful for other groups gender, sexual orientation, level of nerdiness. Conversely, each person is different, so what was important for me may be irrelevant or even harmful for you 3.
Dating is not easy for anyone. Most people struggle with it at some point, not only nerds. At the same time, the bar is not so high - all you need is to get a bit of understanding of yourself, your body, other people and dating dynamics. By putting in some conscious effort you will get ahead of most men! A large portion of this information is on approaching people in general, or advancing any relationship - surprisingly many things I learnt from dating are crucial for my networking skills which, as a semi-freelancer, I use a lot.
Job interviews have similar dynamics - just instead of getting laid you want to land a job you need to interest them in you rather than express your neediness. The topic dating may sound ambiguous - is it about looking for casual sex or the search for the love of your life? Typically the most defining moment is the first committed French kiss. Most of advice here will be focused how to get to this moment. And pointing them to this blog post ideally: not in a passive-aggressive way would be great!
Note that for the sake of this text, I use nerd and geek interchangeably. If you are highly intellectual, socially awkward person, you are likely to benefit from this blog post series. Just reading this blog post beyond the character baseline is a good indicator that you may like its content. All bookworms, and blogworms, are welcome! In short, nerds are typically defined as having a combination of intelligence, obsession and social awkwardness as covered in this classic Venn diagram. If you really want to dive into this topic:. Social life may not be fun, especially during childhood and adolescence - with severity ranging from being an outsider to being totally excluded or actively bullied.
Nerds may get it harder with interpersonal skills and their social rank, see:. Dating is a social activity - so there should be no surprise that such problems may make it hard to date. On top of being different, there are nerd-specific issues, covered in:. In short - being very picky and having a main focus other than mating makes dating hard. Winning a math competition is unlikely to make you much more sexually appealing. At the same time, overthinking and being a disembodied brain on a stick makes dating much harder. C by WulffmorgentHaler , used with permission.
Just - sheer brainpower is not enough. Your intellect makes some of tasks way easier, but one of the key Smart Guy Productivity Pitfalls is to use it in lieu of effort. For dating it may be even more treacherous - here you are not at a big advantage to start with. It seems that data support it:. Note that the maximum is around average.
So, it may be not because of being smart, but - different. It mentions some really scary statistics like:. But this appears to be much lower at elite i. So, if you are a virgin, you are still in a good company! If you are barely not a virgin, you may be ahead of this intellectual cohort. People will misinterpret and misattribute your actions and attitudes a lot. However, it does not absolve you of responsibility for checking if what you do is fine! Nerds are not immune to most vices, and there are some that they excel at.
You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. The whole opening scene from The Social Network movie may make one cringe - it is a beautiful depiction of a smart, obsessed and arrogant nerd. Even if you are or were underprivileged socially it does not automatically make you a good person. The men who sexually trespass against me are nearly always men who are unhappy or at a difficult point in their life. They are nearly always men who experience social isolation more generally. They are also nearly always men not actively dating any other women.
She, as a clearly nerdy woman, talks about her violators with a great deal of compassion, understanding and insight. To make it clear - no amount of suffering you received gives you a pass to harm innocent people. Through the remainder of this blog post series I make a strong assumption that you are committed to treating others with care, and not taking an unfair advantage, regardless of the circumstances. However, I am a nerd is not a get out of a jail card, and if anything - will cause more ostracism than compassion.
Besides insight into arcane things other people are not aware of , and reasonably good job prospects , some girls are interested in the introverted, brainy type. Some of them may be fellow nerds, some not, but still considering intellect, introversion and deep interests sexy a key word: sapiosexual. For some others your nerdism might be not relevant at all just one of many aspects of your personality. Most importantly - if you are into some girl for her interests and character, there is a fair chance that she may find you as fascinating.
While still I have a soft spot for nerdesses, I no longer restrict to this circle. Dating non-nerds is not like dating outside of your religion… or species. OK, maybe it is a bit, but still - it may be worth it. While some differences may be tricky, some other may be very much complementary vide this Nerd shopping xkcd strip. When I asked her why, she said:. While being different may have resulted in bullying in primary school, now it may be an advantage - you stand out! Also, particular interests may make it easier to find a very non-random girl - by meeting her through a network of like-minded friends, or at a specialistic event.
While it talks about physical beauty, I would bet that a similar effect for other aspects. I would like to especially thank to Sarah Martin and Marcin Kotowski. I cringe each time when I imagine people experienced my awkward courtship. So to clarify: I just suck less than I used to. As always, before taking this advice consult you doctor, rabbi, PhD advisor or reptilian overlord. Dating for nerds part 1 : problem diagnosis Are you introverted, shy or socially anxious?
Are human interactions a maze of unwritten rules, and is physical touch a minefield? Yet, you crave a romantic relationship with a girl of your dreams? Intro Personal disclaimer I am not sure if I want to publish pieces of dating advice on my semi-professional blog. So, this text is not about: Appealing to any girl.
If picking up as many girls as possible is your goal, there are better sources.Looking for an introverted nerdy college woman
email: [email protected] - phone:(314) 525-9525 x 4362
Looking for an introverted nerdy college woman